California Rantings

Sunday, Nov. 14, 2004 - 6:36 p.m.

Charlie
You are Charlie. Bass player for Driveshaft. With
crazy hair and hobbitish good looks, you
attract many admirers. You like to decorate
your fingers with letters on tape. Oh, and
you're a junkie. You're the one who's ready to
ask the really tough questions: is
day-turning-into-night end-of-the-world type
weather normal? And guys, where ARE we?


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And here I thought I only DATED men like Charlie...at least now I know why!!!


Okay, so I decided to write a proper entry now instead of tomorrow. I no longer feel like writing my novel today, so I will write here instead.


Life has been calm lately, which has been nice. (Although the cats and I are worried about HAMBONE and his health problems). All in all everything has been nice. For those of you who read my last entry, yes, the Ex-Husband in flying in for vacation on Turkey Day. (Our 9th Wedding Anniversary BTW). I think I can officially say, that, five years after the split, I truly am over my marriage being a failure. There was a time when I never thought I would get to that point. I major milestone for me. I still have way too many issues with men, but I figure I will ALWAYS have issues, so I will have to deal with it.

The ex and I had a long talk about how I will always struggle with men and trust and the typical �baggage� that comes with it as long as I refuse to have contact with my Dad. I have talked to him MAYBE four times in ten years.

I do wonder what he is up to, but I do not wonder enough to risk what little sanity I have left by contacting him. I think the last time I talked to him (in 1997 or so) he wanted me to send me a couple of thousand dollars. Since I refused, I haven�t talked to him. Or, more honestly, we haven�t talked to each other. I don�t even know where he is.

Honestly, this does not bother me. I had to make a choice. Watch him kill himself and become someone I didn�t recognize, or continue to make myself insane.

I think I tend to be attracted to people I know are idiots, because I know what the outcome will be. The few times I did date a �nice guy� I honestly did not know what to do. The lack of chaos can become a prison cell to me. I always search for a way out.

I know there are nice guys out there. Like EL-GUAPO and the attorney who works upstairs. But men like that scare me. They scare me because I do not know what it is like not to be in a love / hate situation. What would I do with all of the free time I would have without fighting all the time???? :-)

I am not upset or anything, everything just makes more sense now.

TTFN

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