Friday, Jul. 30, 2004 - 11:19 a.m.
This morning, at 12:01 a.m., my friend Buffy and I went to see the movie THE VILLAGE, the new movie by M. Knight Shyamalan. Very good movie. I didn't know that the lead female actress in Ron Howards daughter Bryce. If you like M. Kight's other movies you will like this one!
I will say that the "young men / teenaged idiot" boys that sat behind me were irritating. They thought they were cute and clever, when, in all actuality, they were irritating and stupid. I hate it when people talk in movies, it is rude. But when someone says "You mean Howard Hughes was a real dude?" you have to just cringe.
On a totally different note... EL-Guapo asks why women, when they finally meet a nice guy that treats them wonderfully, we dump all over them. Excellent question. For me, it is out of fear. Plain and simple fear. Fear that all of the niceness will someday fade into nothingness leaving me with memories of someone who started off nice, and ended up being mean.
The first person I dated after my divorce was final was a "great guy." Very polite, funny, caring, sensitive. All of the things that I SHOULD be looking for. I left him because he was always "caring and concerned" and wanted to "fix everything" and I was not in a place in my life where I wanted to be "fixed" and "rescued." IMHO, women do not know how to love the "nice guy" unless, like our movie counterparts suggest" we clean him up and make him gorgeous and popular. Asshole men are easy to be with--when they treat us like dirt we expect it because we know they are assholes.
I am not secure enough to be with someone who is nice. Plain and simple. I thrive off of chaos, because it is all that I know. Dating a nice guy is like waiting for the axe to fall. As soon as I get comfortable with him, I start to wonder when all of the niceness will end. I wish I were strong enough to accept the fact that I deserve to be treated in a nice way, but I fall back into the unhealthy relationships that are my comfort zone.
Men who ignore me are what I want, because, growing up I never felt good enough. Love is very often conditional, and when unconditional acceptance and love is in front of me, I can not believe it to be real.
TTFN
OKINAWA
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