Saturday, Jan. 17, 2004 - 8:00 a.m.
I have a date tonight. Dates remind me of what I emotional freak I really am. I have been divorced for four years, seperated for five. In that period of time I have decided that I HATE dating. I do not mind the "getting to know you" phone conversations and things like that, but I actually hate the process of "dating."
I hate the "is he pretending to like me through dinner while secretly deciding he will never call again," feeling. Or the "lets just go have sex" conversation. When I am "dating" I wish I wasn't, and when I am not "dating" I wish I were.
I am both looking forward to a dreading tonight. Luckily it is "just dinner," but I wish it were already over.
How freaky is that???
OKINAWA Los Angeles LONDON
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