Tuesday, May. 28, 2002 - 9:41 a.m.
ANOTHER DAY ANOTHER DOLLAR
Back at work after a three day holiday. Luckily the answering machine wasn't working, so I didn't have a bunch of phone calls to return this morning! What a great start to the day! My next three day weekend is not until July!
SINGLE AND 30
I am beginning to convince myself that being single at this point is not a terrible thing. My problem is that I am a relationship junkie. It is terrible. I am terrible at causal dating and prefer "committed relationships" but those seem few and far between these days. Since I am the Queen of making lists these days, I have decided to list all of the things that I list about being single:
1) I know that I can take care of myself (financially and otherwise)
2) I can just "pick up and go" and do whatever I want without having to "check" with someone else
3) I can make my own decisions
I know of so many people who stay in "unhappy" relationships because they are afraid to be alone, or do not think they can afford to live alone financially. It is a shame that there are people in their 30's who have never had to survive with just their own income. They went from their parents house to their "married" house and never did anything on their own. What I associate with relationships (like someone who loves you back and someone who wants to be with you) are not always guaranteed when you are in a relationship. Just because you are "with" someone does not mean that they "love you" in the way you need to be loved. I know of people who stay married "for the kids" or because they feel that being in a loveless relationship is better than no relationship at all.
It is had to start over, but there is also something exciting about it. Something new. Few people get to start things over with a "clean slate" and don't realize that although yes it is scary, it isn't the worst thing in life. I know that I have impossible standards for myself, and therefore have impossible standards for the people in my life. I need to learn to not assume that everyone will eventually break my heart, because sometimes you really do get what you wish for.
I am very luck to be able to restructure my life without having to worry how those changes will effect someone else. I need to stop seeing being single as being a failure, and to also except the fact that being single is not always like "Sex in the City." Just like everything else, there are good things and bad things, but it is up to me to decide if they are good or bad.
TTFN
OKINAWA
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