Wednesday, May. 08, 2002 - 12:57 p.m.
SPIT, SPIT, SPIT
I am telling you, people are insane. Literally, figuratively, whatever. Like an idiot, I am trying to compromise on the hatred I have for my stepfather. I ask myself, why? He wants me to have unconditional respect for him and I feel that respect has to be earned. Part of me feels as though if I were to be nice and acknowledge him, without his being respectful in return, then I am the fool. I am tired of being the one who compromises. I will have to avoid him like the plague. I hate to be this way, but I will have to start traveling around the holidays, and ignore the fact that he is on this earth at all. I no longer step foot in the house that I grew up in because he lives there. I no longer call over to the house because he may answer the phone and start his whining, bitch session about whatever happens to be bothering him for the day. If I have to be the bad person in this situation, then so be it, I will be the bad person, but someone has to put their foot down. I am a firm believer that people continue to act and behave the way they do because they have no reason not to. He knows that if he complains to my Mother about how I do not acknowledge him, that she will ask me to be nice. Well, no more. He will finally have to face the fact that sometimes, when you do mean things to people, they will cut you out of their lives forever.
I know how terrible this must sound, but I am having to choose between my own sanity and his happiness, and my sanity is going to win out this time. I have compromised enough in this lifetime, and I know when to back down and when to go for the jugular. I have no intentions of placating his ego to pacify his need to be the center of attention. I will no longer allow him to play the role of the victim and / or the martyr. There are times in life when you have to take a stand, even if it is painful. Nothing in life is easy.
FOUR CALLS BY NOON
Yup, Date Man had called four times by noon this morning. Sad but true. I think it is about time for my luck with men and relationships to change. I think I must have done something terrible to warrant this kind of bad karma. I am at the point where all of the men in my life seem to be jinxed. Seriously. I am dreading Saturday, where I may, or may not run in to Date Man. I am hoping that I am not so mad that I really let him have it. I tried to be blunt with him, and now I am ignoring the problem and praying that it doesn�t turn into �gangrene� or something much worse. Everyday is a new emotion for me to deal with, and most of these emotions are related to the bad relationships in my life. I understand that I am not totally innocent and blameless, but I can not be the only one to change. I think that Date Man and my stepfather are both from the generation where women were not seen as independent thinking people, who need men in their lives to solve all of their problems. I am sure that Date Man can not believe that a single woman would not want to go out with him, and that he is doing me a favor by asking me out a million times.
My stepfather is the same way. He hates when people figure things out without him, or God forbid some �woman� solve a problem without either consulting him, or following his (usually unwanted) advise to the letter. Why is it so difficult for some men to understand that not all women are �tender, weet young things� that can�t decide what to do without their help?
TTFN
OKINAWA
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