Thursday, Apr. 18, 2002 - 7:36 p.m.
CAN I PAY FOR MY MAIL ORDER HUSBAND ON A PAYMENT PLAN?
Apparently I am not the only woman looking for a �mail order husband.� Because I have nothing better to do at work than surf the net all day, I did a Google search on �Mail order Husband� and still got �Meet women from Russia� websites. Being the researcher that I am, I clicked on one at random and was surprised at what I found. Beautiful, scantily clad women (who all seemed to weigh 110 pounds regardless of their height) all waiting to meet that �special man� so they can settle down, have kids and make a happy home. The �mail order husband� part came from places where men can place ads and the women can choose to write or E-mail them. They really do have �mail order bride� vacations that you can buy and spend a �week to ten days� wife shopping.
I think I have found the perfect business to start. Imagine logging onto a webpage filled with gorgeous, scantily clad men, just begging to wait on you hand and foot. Each of them have perfect abs, and are willing to do anything for a visa. They could place ads like �Hi, I am Mikal. I would love to work 40-60 hours a week for my new American wife. I will never want to go out to bars �with the guys� and I would never look at another woman again. I love to take care of the yard, and will do my fair share of the housework. I believe in �dating� after marriage, and promise to record all checks in the checkbook register. I am 6�2�, blonde hair, blue eyes, and work out at least two hours a day to stay in perfect shape. Weight unimportant to me, it is what is inside that counts.�
Yup, I would fly to Russia for that. Imagine going on vacation and being one of 10 women in a room full of 300+ men all dying to spend time with you. So what if there is a language barrier, looks alone can make a wonderful marriage I am sure. I know of quite a few women who would pay big money for something like that. It beats the bar scene with drunken men with cigarette breath starting down your shirt telling you how �(Hick) so verrrry, sexcky you (Hick) look toniiiight (belch).� Yep--that is what I call a VACATION. Just me and a bunch of sexy men trying to get a visa.
Plus, when they are there in person you can check to see if they have all of their own teeth. Which is very important, just ask my cousin, she will tell you.
CATS AND GUACAMOLE
My younger cat LOVES guacamole. I know this because when he was a baby he would sit around watching football and drooling over the guacamole. I do not feed the cats �people food� but there are times in a cats life when you just have to go for it. Na�ve me, not knowing of his love for guacamole, left some on the counter out of view. I never would have known of his �snacking� if he hadn�t come out of the kitchen with his head a whiskers covered in guacamole.
(To makes things fair, my other cat LOVES sweet and sour chicken, but since I am a vegan, there never is any in the house, so if anyone brings over any, be prepared for him to jump up and help himself to some off of your plate).
Why am I sharing this with you??? I have been craving nachos for a week now. I am still trying to lose 20 pounds, so I haven�t had any. Today I gave in. Knowing that guacamole would be involved, I fed the cats dinner. After devouring his dinner and half of his brothers dinner, I decided that he would be too full to want any guacamole. NO SUCH LUCK. I make a huge plate of (vegan of course) nachos and WHAM!
(not to be confused with 80�s super group Wham UK!) he went for the guacamole. Not the tub, but the stuff on my nachos. He looked at me as if to say �You think because I am full I am not going to eat this??� Poor guy is just like me--always giving in to cravings. (The only food he will not eat are mushrooms. He got into a pizza box once and spit all of the mushrooms at my feet as if to say �Whatever these are, they suck, so next time, don�t get these.�)
DATE MAN
I am sure that Date Man would be really upset if he knew I complained about him to the masses almost everyday on the internet. I figure if he doesn�t have an answering machine, he sure as heck does not have access to the internet.
Someone else wants to fix me up on a blind date with someone they know. Sigh. I do think that it is the nicest thing for someone to think that you would have a nice time getting to know a friend of theirs, but I sometimes wonder if that is truly their motivation. I sometimes wonder if they just want to get their friend to stop whining about being single.
The worst date I ever went on was a blind date. We didn�t even make it through a meal. He spent the entire time talking about all the �things� we could do �to each other� after dinner. I mean YICK! The thought of it made it difficult to eat. I didn�t know if I should laugh or cry at that one. He was obsessed with it. I could see why he was still single. I ended up excusing myself to go to the bathroom, paid the waitress for my half of the meal (with a big tip) and left. Never looked back. I just wonder how long he sat there waiting before he figured out that I was not coming back. I screened my calls for the next month, and eventually he stopped calling.
What kind of person sleeps with someone because they bought you dinner? How sad is that? Which is worse�the person who �buys� sex with food, or the person who �puts out� in exchange for dinner at a so-so restaurant. The person who set me up with Mr. Charm was shocked when I told her about it.
TTFN
OKINAWA
|
moon phases |
|
|
guestmap
