Monday, Apr. 08, 2002 - 5:12 p.m.
TAXES
I am almost done with my taxes--I decided to just sit down and do them. Not as painful as it could be, I just need to finish my mileage and double check everything. I still hate taxes. I understand that they need to be paid, I just hate this time of year.
I wonder why anyone would want to work for the IRS. It seems like a very stressful job to me. A job where a lot of upset people are talking to you all day. I would really hate to be an auditor. That would really be terrible. Talk about a stressful job. They couldn�t pay me enough.
MONDAY
Today was quite a day. We looked at property, but am not sure what I am going to do. Everything is still overpriced, but that is the market these days. I have yet to find a realtor that I can work with. Either I end up doing all of the research in finding the houses, or they do not act fast enough and my bid is not put in at the right time. I want a realtor that will actually call me with new listings, not just wait for me to find things.
I do have a brief appointment tonight, but it is not until 8:00, which is fine with me, because that is just about the time that I start to get bored from being home from work for a few hours. It is my short attention span again.
EVERYTHING ELSE
I am trying to remain positive, but it seems to be a daily struggle. I am working on it though. I have a hard time letting go of things, and the way that I feel about people (both positive and negative feelings) and they tend to become bottled up and explode every so often. Uncontrollable feelings of anger, rage and depression. I tend to be able to hold everything in, but now it seems like it takes less and less to get me to fly off the handle. I didn�t used to be like this. Just recently things have become this way.
I do not want to go back on Paxil. Although I really did enjoy the �numbness� that Paxil gave me, I do not want to be back on any psychopharmacudicals. I hate that type of dependency on anything, especially drugs. I hate having to go to a Dr. to get a prescription. This is terrible considering that I have a degree in Psychology, and understand the importance of the combination of counseling and drugs. I just do not think that I am at that bad of a point yet. Admitting it is the first step though!
TIRED AND CRANKY
I think that I am just becoming old, tired and cranky. I try to sleep, but can�t--this makes me tired, which makes me cranky. Being 30 makes me feel old. Thus, I am old, tired and cranky. I need to work on this. If I were a sane person, I would confront Date Man, and get over my ex, and go on with my life. Until then--I will just have to suck as a human being. Since I suck so much I am going to list 10 things I hate most about myself: 1) I am moody 2) I can not keep anyone in love with me 3) I am judgemental 4) My first response is often anger 5) Everything in my life is either black or white 6) I am 20 pounds too fat 7) I am not as smart as I used to be 8) My depression is getting worse 9) I am unorganized 10) I am divorced That made me feel a little better, but not much. Does anyone else feel this crappy today, or is it just me? TTFN
OKINAWA
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