Sunday, Apr. 21, 2002 - 8:05 p.m.
OFFICE SPACE
Thank you Lilybow (lilybow.diaryland.com) for mentioning the movie �Office Space.� Okay, so maybe I should have been fired for being me to the customer I talked about yesterday. Quite frankly there is nothing more fun than a job that you don�t care if you get fired from. I was the #2 person in the company, and did everything, and I knew I could not get fired. When I finally quit, it was the greatest two weeks of any job I have ever had. I call it the �Go ahead and fire me� phase of a job.
I hated one of my managers. He was older and mean. He hated me because I was a female and outranked him. Nepotism got him his job, so he also felt as though he could do nothing to end his job. Let the battle begin�
�Robert� went out of his way to be a royal pain the rear. He called me a thief at a meeting once, and I told him that both he and his lawyer better have a lot of proof to back that statement up. I decided to seek my revenge the last two weeks of my job.
He would keep files on everyone. Notes on everything from how long they spent at lunch, to how many phone calls they answered and what the conversations were about. Robert, knowing next to nothing about computers, kept all of his files in the network system. He decided to call a meeting with the owner of the company to go over his �notes� about everyone. Right before his meeting, I changed the names of his files and he couldn�t find any of them. For over an hour he searched for his notes. He was really sweating over wasting all of this time searching through the database. After he gave up, I switched the files back, and when he started yelling about being sabotaged, I went in, changed the names of the files back, and asked him if he needed yet another class on the basics of working on the company computer.
I used to laugh at how clever he thought he was. He would put the safe on a specific number at night so he could see if anyone had gotten into the safe while he was gone. I got into work very early one morning, opened the safe, and unlocked all of the cashboxes and turned them all upsidedown. Knowing that he would recount all the money to see if anyone was �stealing� he always audited cashboxes when he knew he wasn�t allowed to do that without a witness. I closed the safe and put the safe back on his �number� and went across the street to wait for him to get to work.
When I �arrived� at work, he claimed that we had had an earthquake and it knocked all the cashboxes out of place.` It went like this�
Me: Oh God, what happened? Were we robbed?
Robert: No, God D--- earthquake knocked all the boxes out of the safe. This is what it looked like when I got here.
Me: How did the earthquake get the safe open?
Robert: What?
Me: If we had an earthquake, wouldn�t the boxes still have been in the safe? Maybe you forgot to lock the safe last night.
Robert: My memory is just fine--it was just an earthquake.
Me: How would the earthquake open both the safe and the cashboxes?
Robert: Mind your own f------ business.
Me: I think in addition to forgetting to lock the safe you have also forgotten who your boss is, and how to talk to your boss.
Robert: Listen, I am telling you that it looked like this when I came to work and the building must have been hit by an earthquake and unless you can prove otherwise, either help clean up or leave me alone.
Me: I will leave you alone. Besides, I have to put a note in your file that you cussed at me twice this morning.
Robert: I will be grateful when you are finally gone. Maybe money and equipment will stop being messed with and missing.
Me: I will be grateful for the settlement money I am going to get from you for your slander and libel. As I have told you before--if you can prove it, I lose. If you say it again and can�t prove it, my lawyer and I will win.
Robert: Mumble, mumble, mumble.
Me: Snicker, Snicker, laugh.
I know--I am evil and Karma will get me, but it was worth it. He set people he didn�t like up to get fired and would harass employees. He was a mean, grumpy man who couldn�t stand anyone who didn�t think like he did. He used to tell sexually explicit jokes to minors, and used to call me �the Jewish Princess� even though I was not Jewish.
I once went to lunch with the new contact for one of our distributors (I even clocked out) and he told my husband when he called that I was on a �lunch date� with �some guy� and didn�t know when I would be back. He then called my boss to tell him that I was �on a personal appointment� on company time. Too bad my boss was with me at the lunch meeting. He had to apologize to me in front of the entire staff at the next meeting, and had to promise not to ever question where I was again. (Luckily my husband knew I had a business meeting that day, but that was really evil.)
Sometimes it is better to stoop down to their level. It makes life and work so much easier. Rumor has it that about four months after I quit, all of the employees at all of the store told my (former) boss that either Robert showed up for work, or they would, but not both.
I just wish I could have seen that!
TTFN
OKINAWA
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